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41 Questions Never to Ask a DIL

Posted on: November 30th, 2014 by bubbyjoysandoys 8 Comments

Enjoyed this? Share it, and attribute it. Copyright 2014, Bubby Joys and Oys, M. Hendeles

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Awhile back I composed a PDF of 10 things MIL’s are doing that drive their DIL’s crazy. People who subscribed to my MIL site downloaded that list for tips on how to relate to their daughters-in-law.

That list covered things MIL’s do, as in behaviors, comments,  and so forth. Recently, I’ve noted that there are people who interact through asking questions. They may consider questions as  harmless, or as a sign that they are being interested and supportive.

Or – they may want to camouflage their criticism or judgment by framing it into a question. After all, they’re just asking, right?

Well, that’s downright sneaky and wrong.

You see, when relating to a DIL questions are  rude and intrusive. And when it comes to mothers-in-law vis-a-vis DIL’s you do NOT want to be intrusive or even inquisitive. In fact, questions that MIL’s ask have no right answer.

And the DIL knows it. Whatever answer she gives is already wrong. She’s being put on the spot, and it is not okay.

Over the years, I’ve spoken to many people – mothers-in-law, daughters-in-law – who have told me their experiences. Also, I have observed interactions between MIL’s and DIL’s, and I’ve compiled a list in my head. And now, I’ve put them down on paper – well on computer. Here they are for your mother-in-law-ly reading pleasure.

So – if any of the following questions happen to pop into your head, banish them from your mind. If that is not possible, then banish them from leaving your lips!

1. What are you cooking for dinner?

2. Why do you travel so much?

3. Why don’t you serve ____ for dinner because it’s healthy?

4. Why does (name of DIL’s toddler) still suck his thumb?

5. Why is  (name of DIL’s infant) cry all the time? Could it be colic?

6. How much weight did you gain in pregnancy? (Trust me – it HAS been asked).

7. Are you having any more children? (Yep – it’s been asked)

8. Do you like that gift that I gave you?

9. Can I buy you some new clothes? (implies you don’t like her taste).

10.  Did you ever read _____ parenting book?

11. Where are you going? (when they ask you to babysit).

12. Why do you never (or rarely) call?

13. Why do you never come visit?

14. Can I (we) come over in 5 minutes to visit?

15. Why do you raise your voice at your children?

16. Why are you punishing _____ (name of child)?

17. How come your family hasn’t helped you out?

18. Where did you get that outfit you are wearing?

19. How much do you earn at your job?

20. Why do you work when you have little children at home?

21. Why don’t you go out and get a job?

22. What are you planning for the dinner party you’re having?

23. Did you send out thank you cards yet for the wedding gifts?

24. How come you can’t be satisfied with less like we were back in the days?

25. Why did you give the child that name?

26. What school will you send your children to?

27. Why is_____ (name of child) so shy around me?

28. Why does _____ (name of child)  always have his nose in a book?

29. Why doesn’t _____ (name of child) get more fresh air?

30. Why don’t your kids play more sports?

31. Why don’t your kids read more books?

32. How come your kids aren’t athletic (or any other positive adjective)  like ____ (name of cousin)?

33. What in the world do you do all day?

34. How come your windows are so dirty?

35. What? You use paper dishes? Such a waste of money?

36. Why don’t the children wear those hand-me-downs that I gave you?

37. Why don’t you use that gorgeous china that I bought for you?

38. Where did you get that hideous couch?

39. How much did you pay for _____?
40. How much do you pay your cleaning lady?

41. Why isn’t ____ (name of toddler) toilet trained yet?

…..You get the idea!

Any questions YOU would like to add to this list? Please share them below!


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8 Responses

  1. Silvia says:

    Yes, these really occurred:

    –“Why are your parents here? I wasn’t expecting them” at a family gathering at my home

    — “Why don’t you ask around family members for hand-me-downs instead of buying new clothes?”

    –“Why don’t you volunteer for the Junior League?” keeping in mind you have three young kids at home and exhausted!

    –“Why don’t you visit my great-aunt at the nursing home?”

    –My all time favorite:
    ” Are you happy now?”
    when I showed her the engagement ring her son presented to me!!

    • Ahhh -thanks Silvia for that input.. so it seems you’re the DIL in this case! Thanks for those quotes which I can imagine are very hurtful. Now you know what not to say when you become a MIL!

  2. Lisa says:

    Oh you hit some good ones. I’m sure I’ve broken quite a few rules. It seems we’re not allowed to ask much, offer advice, etc. There’s a lot of breathe holding… all good, but sometimes, quite challenging. I’ll be interested to see when the time comes, how different it might be with a son in law.

  3. Haralee says:

    Great list. Been said to and unfortunately some have escaped my lips!

  4. Tammy says:

    I am glad that I found this site.Seems like I need all the help I can get.Everything seemed to be fine until she became pregnant.

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