Contact Me

Any time - drop me an email
miriamhendeles@gmail.com
1-323-243-7116

Contact Me

Any time - drop me an email
miriamhendeles@gmail.com
1-323-243-7116

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Seven Realities of Masks

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Recently,we celebrated the Jewish Holiday of Purim when children and many adults get dressed up and do things all upside down. This is one way we commemorate the story of Purim in Persia about 2500 years ago. I’ve been thinking that life is often about dressing up and wearing masks. Even if we don’t wear actual costumes every day, we often wear intangible masks and other forms of cover-ups in our daily lives.

And so, I’ve taken a serious look at this light and fun holiday today; I’ve compiled seven life realities inherent in all kinds of masks.

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1. Masks portray an element of surprise and life is full of surprises. You just never know what will happen.
2. Masks are temporary; eventually one unmasks and the real face is shown. In life, there’s just so long that one can keep the charade or masquerade going.
3. Masks have holes for the eyes to peek through. In life, the real person’s soul is shown in his/her eyes.
4. Masks are uncomfortable and stuffy to wear. In life, it’s a pain to cover up. Much easier to just be real. Right?
5. Masks protect from disease and germs. In life, we often wear masks to protect ourselves from emotional hurt.
6. Masks can be scary, whether it’s your own mask or someone else’s. In life, it’s scary to relate to one who is not honest with oneself.

masked-man
  1. Masks cover up most facial cues, since the mouth, nose and cheeks are often hidden. In life, wearing a mask prevents a person from relating and emoting properly.
Look Ma! No Mask!!

How about you? Can you think of any other parallels between masks and life? Let me know.

HAPPY PURIM!

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Fake It Till You Make It

The email in my box from my friend read “Are you okay? I’m worried about you. You haven’t blogged in days.”

Did I have to apologize to my readers – or even this reader, who is a good friend? I’m not sure if I have to ‘splain, but that’s what I do. I ‘splain. I was busy, I was swamped. All the usual excuses. But as my dad always told me, “Qui s’excuse, s’accuse.” I only sound more foolish with silly explanations.

Okay, onward. My topic today is about faking it. No explaining. No excuses. Just pretending to do things the right way.

What am I talking about??? Well let me explain – I mean let me elaborate! Continue reading


Disqualifying Disclaimers

Someone my husband and I know who lives in another state, often prefaces and concludes comments to us with a sandwich of D.D.’s.

The Disqualifying Disclaimer.

For example, this person begins the remarks with “I really don’t want to make you angry or upset.” Then he/she continues on with whatever he/she has planned to tell us. And at the end of said comments, our friend concludes with, “Now, if I upset you, please forgive me.”  By the time  we, the listeners have figured out that an insult is coming, the speaker has already rattled off the criticism, and wrapped up the monologue with a concluding Disclaimer (such as: sorry to have had to tell you this…).

I call  this pattern of communicating and “introducing” unpleasant remarks, the “Disqualifying Disclaimer” because once it (the intro) is said — if the listener is alert — the D.D. can be the ultimate give-away to the listener. The give-away is  that whatever is to follow, will be the exact opposite of what the Disclaimer/Intro has claimed it would be.

The D.D. disqualifies what the speaker is about to say, rather than strengthens it.

The D.D. goes something like this:

Well, to be perfectly honest….(followed by some gibberish that the listener now knows is NOT true).

Well, trust me when I tell you that…(followed by some serious discussion of some material that the listener now is warned NOT to trust).

Here’s another winner:

You see, I hope you don’t mind me telling you, but…(I’m now going to rattle off a  harsh insult directed at the listener because I already said I hope you don’t mind, so it’s okay.)

When I hear these introductions, I try to tune out the rest – by singing (to myself – in my head) “It’s a small world after all….la la la la…” or other such distracting ditty.

But more often than not, I forget to do the ditty.

I vow to myself that next time I will respectfully ask the person to communicate more positively.

All these disclaimers have one thing in common:

Defensiveness. The person who is speaking them or writing them, is defending his or her position before actually saying it. One should not have to defend or protect something that is true, accurate or valid.

And all these D.D’s only serve to weaken —not strengthen – what is to come.

Rule of thumb? Just say it. Say what ya mean, and mean what ya say. No need to defend or introduce.

And if it might be offensive, then try the rule: “When In Doubt, Don’t.”

Now, if I offended anyone by this post….please forgive me. (NOT! Scratch that…)


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