Contact Me

Any time - drop me an email
miriamhendeles@gmail.com
1-323-243-7116

Contact Me

Any time - drop me an email
miriamhendeles@gmail.com
1-323-243-7116

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Helicopter Grandparents

We’ve all heard about helicopter mothers, the moms you see in the soccer field cheering their kids on from the stands, and if said kids do not happen to be on the winning team, these moms get very upset.

Hovering Grandparents Swooping Down...Be Careful....

Hovering Grandparents Swooping Down…Be Careful….

Helicopter Moms  —  coined by Jim Fay and Foster Cline, have  received a bad rap – and for good reason. These parents hover just above their kids’ heads (and hearts), watching their kids’ every move, and basically living their own life  through that of  their suffocating and frustrated children.

But what about Helicopter Grandparents? How do they fit into the picture? Do Helicopter Moms (and Dads) who are unchecked (and haven’t worked on themselves to undo their annoying helicopter behaviors) grow up to become Helicopter Grandparents?

Continue reading


Stay Out of It…or not?

The question often comes up for many of us whether or not to get involved. Recently, I attended an evening class with some members of my synagogue, and we got into a somewhat lively (read: heated!) discussion. A particular scenario was described in which one woman’s daughter noted that her classmates were breaking a particular rule. The question for this woman was whether or not to counsel her daughter to report on the classmates.

Well, rather than discuss that back and forth of the various women in the group regarding this discussion (did I mention it got heated?), I will relate something that happened with my 4-year old grandson. (you thought I could go for one entire post without boasting – I mean describing him? Well, think again!).

And from that story of my grandson, we can (hopefully) glean some insight into how we, as adults can act.

Anyway, my daughter-in-law described to me the following conversation between herself, the Mommy and my (darling) grandson:

Child: Two boys in school today were fighting so badly, and were not letting Mashiach (the Messiah) come! I was so worried, and I tried telling them to stop fighting.

Mom: So did they stop?

Child: No, (looking sad) – they didn’t. They kept fighting and fighting.

Mom: So what happened?

Child: I tried more, and they still didn’t listen. So I told the teacher and she got them to be friends again.

My daughter-in-law then proceeded to explain to her son how G-d is proud of him for caring so much. But G-d really wants him to take care of himself – first and foremost.  Maybe those boys didn’t listen to him. It’s okay. He can’t change that.  As long as he is always nice to his friends (which he is…), (and doesn’t get hurt by the bullies? — is what this grandmother was thinking silently..??)

I’m not sure what else she told him, but it sounds like that was a powerful message for one 4-year old guy!

And I choose to take that message with me for my own everyday life!


Practice Makes Perfect

After almost two weeks of non-steady blogging, I have some ‘splainin to do!  Well actually, instead of excusing or explaining why I have not been consistent about  my daily blog, I will move forward and reflect on what I have learned during that time. Yes, it was a very busy time for this Bubby. Busy cooking, entertaining, cleaning up, planning, hosting, and eating. But through it all we had lots of fun, and I like to think I learned a few things along the way.

Last week when we visited the California Science Center with all of our grandchildren, we saw an exhibit displaying the various forms of animals.One of the points of the display was to demonstrate how many of them perform quite high on intelligence tests and games.

Are animals really just as intelligent as humans? I honestly had my doubts about that exhibit in general, because it claimed that dolphins, crows and dogs and several other animals  are excellent at problem solving, communicating and other skills. For example, we watched on video a chimpanzee perform a numbers game with 100 percent accuracy. The exhibit demonstrated  how chimpanzees are cognitively able to memorize the placement of  a sequence of up to 9 digits that a computer lays out on a screen in specific positions.

Well, our grandsons played the same numbers game, and so when three generations of Hendeles members – ranging in ages from 4 to 59 — tried out the task, we were only able to perform up to 5 or 6 digits on the screen with perfect accuracy. That was in the five minutes that we stood at that exhibit and played the game. (We actually got quite engrossed — that-is me and the 4 and 5 year olds!– but my other sons were rushing us – “come on already….we have to move on…”)

I’m guessing that had we stayed there for another 10 or more minutes, our skill would have increased to similar to the chimpanzees. (or maybe not? hmmm) ..Even the sign next to the exhibit stated that the chimpanzees had a LOT of practice.

So practice makes perfect – is the way the saying goes.  But actually,  we humans don’t strive for perfection. That’s what I keep telling myself when I cook my eggs, run out of the house, and forget about them, and then wonder why I burnt the eggs for the third time in several days. (What’s that smell? I think when I walked into the house today after a myriad errand-running.)

Yes, it’s  not about perfection. It’s a matter of getting it more or less right most of the time. The food is delicious (that’s what they told me most of the time), the kids are happy (except when they are fighting), the adults are relaxed (more or less), and the Bubby is having a blast with all her nachas (all reading Bubbies may fill in the parenthesis here). The air conditioner broke last week (only the upstairs unit that-is!), but did work for most of the holiday. And now it works again!

My housekeeper decided not to show up a few times the past week (“sorry Mrs. Miriam, yo no puede trabaja pour usted manana…”) . But that’s okay. She showed up last week on Friday, and sent her sister-in-law another time (and a friend another time, and a cousin another time). So that’s more or less okay. Look – who asked us to need those cleaning ladies as if our lives depended on it??

It is how we perceive it. If we perceive it as an OY experience, then that becomes the reality. But, if we perceive it as a growth and learning experience, then that makes all the difference.

Practice Makes Perfect. Shmerfect!   And just like the chimpanzees, we can achieve our goals with lots of practice.  But – more appropriate to thinking, creative humans — not necessarily to perfection.  3 out of 4 – that’s 75 %! Now let’s try for 9 out of 10?  Go for it!

Have a great Fall 2012!


Busy Bubby – Blogging Break

The title says it all. I’m taking a break from Bubby/Grandmother themed blogging. As Sukkot is almost upon us, music is blaring at our house with our kids’ favorite CD’s, and grandkids crawling around, biking in the backyard, and mess all over, I’m taking a break.

I’m taking a hiatus from writing. Going to do my second favorite activity – cooking. (Ha!). Well, you get the idea. I’m going to actually enjoy the kids who moved into our house for almost two weeks.

Will be back in a few days or more — when I feel the urge to write.

Until then — enjoy your Sukkos, your families, and your special times together.

Hey by the way – who took the car???

Aargh. Gotta run…


Shaking and Quaking

It happened at 3 am. My husband and I felt it. The rest of our house did not feel a thing. “It” is a rather common occurrence here in California.  It was an earthquake – short, sharp and quick, but an unmistakable earthquake. We know our earthquakes, and yes – this was a real one. Whew. No seeming damage. It’s over. Thank G-d. Continue reading


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