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Mommy Wars. Oy, those arguments, debates, competition!
Witness, for example, the endless “war” between a Stay-At-Home Mom and Work-out-of-home Mom:
SAHMom: “I think it is awful when mothers go out to work and leave their kid with a babysitter..”
WOHMom: “Well, I work out of the home, and my kids are just fine. The time that I do spend with them after work is relaxed and loving….which is more than I can say for some mothers I know who stay at home all day with their kids!”
Squabbles have arisen surrounding some of the various modes of parenting: attachment, co-sleeping, and natural parenting. While proponents swear by these parenting techniques, critics worry that it will produce overly dependent children and parents who are “imprisoned” by their children.
Well, as my grandmother would have likely said (if she heard it) to all this parenting quibbling: “Ach Kvatch!” (German for “Ohhh! That’s Nonsense!”)
Okay, okay, they are not really fights or wars that these moms are having. But still….my grandmother would have been right….
Mothers shouldn’t fight over such things! In fact, we, Bubbies don’t argue over who is the better Bubby, do we? Can we even envision a conversation of a Bubby arguing with another Bubby?
Just imagine a Baking-Bubby who likes to bake with her grandchildren debating the use of quality grandchild time with a Reading-Bubby who would rather read books to her grandkids.
BkngBubby: “I think it’s absolutely terrible when Bubbies don’t pass down the tradition of old-fashioned baking and the joy it entails, and deprive their precious eineklach of the fun of licking the bowl and forming those chocolate chip cookies!”
RdngBubby: “Well! I particularly find that that activity only encourages overeating…what about valuing your grandchild’s literacy, and sitting down with a book and reading it to them?!”
Nope. Wouldn’t happen!
No competition, no Bubby-War –just friendly, positive sharing of nachas.
Bubbies don’t have to do it all. When we were Mommies, we felt the pressure to do it all. We wanted to be “perfect,” to do the best for our children, to be the best people, and Mommies. That created some tension.
But now as grandmothers, the tension and time for raising our kids is gone. It’s not our job anymore (yay!) So we slide comfortably into our Bubby role; we take off our Mommy caps (along with all its worrying, second-guessing and doubting), and we don our Bubby hats with pride! Yes, we can each find our own Bubby-niche and become comfortable in just that role.
Tags: attachment parenting, co-sleep, comparing, competition, debates, natural parenting, sharing, working mom